


Return to the Darkest Timeline

by wolfy_writing



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 16:56:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1695632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfy_writing/pseuds/wolfy_writing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Spoilers through season four.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Return to the Darkest Timeline

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers through season four.

Jeff had thought several times about how he'd feel waking up next to naked Annie.  He’d never thought he’d scream in terror.

"My arm!"  Jeff jerked upright.  "My arm!  Where's my arm?"  His right arm was gone!  Gone completely, from the shoulder down.  There was some weird metal embedded in his skin.  "What the hell happened to my arm?"

Annie sat up and put her arms around him.  "Easy, baby.  It's right there in the charger, remember?"  She pointed.

Jeff stared, stunned.  His arm...was across the room, plugged into some kind of stand.  

Annie leaned Jeff's head against her chest and started stroking his hair.  "It's okay.  You were kind of drunk last night so I took care of it.  I always look after you, baby.”

After a long moment pressed against Annie's breasts, Jeff started to think.  He’d had his arm last night.  There’d been a party at Troy and Abed’s, and he’d gotten pretty wasted, but he would have remembered missing a limb.  For a moment, he wondered about Abed, but for all of his creepy amputation talk, Abed wouldn’t actually do anything like that to Jeff.  Probably. 

Well, Annie definitely wouldn’t go along with it.

Think, Jeff, think.  He was in bed with Annie and missing an arm, but had a fancy robot one, which meant...

Evil Jeff.  He was Evil Jeff, or at least his body was.  Somehow he'd switched universes.  And...bodies.

He was _never_ going to admit any of this to Abed.

Annie loosened her grip.  "Hey, why don't I put your arm on for you, and then you can take a shower?  Doing your hair always makes you feel better." 

"Good idea, babe," Jeff said, in his best husky action-hero voice.  "And then we'll take over and destroy the Prime Timeline."

Annie began laughing manically.  Jeff jerked away, startled.

Annie stopped.  “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” said Jeff.  “Just…I’m kind of hung over and your laugh is really loud.”

\---

Jeff was digging through the bathroom for hair products when he found the pills.  Big plastic bags of them, in an alarming array of colors. 

Evil Annie, being Annie, had marked each back with a neat label.  Jeff didn’t know anything about the clinical names, but on each bag, she'd written a short note.  "For boredom", "For sleeping", "For energy", "For guilt", and on one bag "For messing with Jeff."

Annie was back on pills. 

Of course this was the Darkest Timeline, and this Annie was evil and he had enough to worry about when it came to getting back to his own body and universe, and it really wasn't, when you thought about it, his problem.  Why should he worry about Evil Annie anyway?  It's not like she was the same as his Annie.

Not since the party anyway.  Not since Jeff had come up with that idea about rolling dice so he wouldn’t have to go downstairs and get the pizza himself.

Jeff opened a bag and started flushing the pills.

\---

Annie came charging out of the bathroom.  "Jeff, did you flush my pills again?  Do you know how many pharmacists I had to shoot to get a decent-sized stash?" 

Jeff stepped back.

Annie picked up a cushion and began swatting him with it.

This...was much less scary that he'd been expecting.  This was more like regular Annie.  He'd thought Evil Annie would go for...recreational stabbing or something.

Jeff grabbed the cushion.  "I know," he said, in his Evil Jeff voice.  "I want you to shoot even more of them."  

This time, he started the maniacal laugh. 

Evil Annie laughed, and then pressed herself against him.  "So you can use your sexy evil lawyer skills defending me?"

Jeff grinned.  He was starting to feel less freaked out.  He didn’t know how to deal with dimension-hopping evil, but lying his way out of things?  That was exactly his skill set.  "And because you look so hot shooting people," he said.  Then, to sell it, he leaned in to kiss her.

\----

Okay, perhaps having sex with Evil Annie wasn't the most sensible idea, but Jeff figured 'trapped in a parallel universe' bought him a certain amount of leeway.

And it was the hottest thing ever.

Afterward, Annie stood up and brushed the broken splinters of table off her dress.  "I almost forgive you.  I'm still breaking your scotch collection.  But if you’re really good, I might steal you a bottle of something nice.”

"Um, good."  Jeff straightened up his clothes and began feeling worriedly at his hair.  "I have to go out.  I need to find Abed."

"Abed?"  Evil Annie pulled a face.  "What do you want with that loser?  He's not even evil anymore!"

"I'm going to...kill him.  As punishment.  For not being evil.”  Why did Evil Jeff have to be some sort of cartoon super villain?  If he’s been a regular evil lawyer, Jeff would have had a much easier time coming up with lines.

Annie got a worried frown.  "But if you kill him, who will repair your arm?"

"Abed repairs my arm?"

"Well, yeah!"  Annie gave Jeff a confused look.  "Your arm and Troy's voice thing.  It’s the only thing he’ll work with us on anymore.  He says adaptive technology for disabilities doesn't count as evil.  Why are you asking me this?  Is this this one of those games where I'm supposed to act ditzy and ignorant and I didn't realize?  Oh, dear!"  Annie put a finger to the side of her head.  "Silly widdle me didn't realize Big Daddy Jeff had started a game."

Jeff stepped back, trying to stifle his feelings of confused arousal.  "No, I just...took some of your pills before I flushed them."

"You took _my_ drugs?"  Annie started shouting.  "You took them and didn't even leave any for me?"  From the look on her face, things were about to get a lot nastier than cushion-swatting.

Jeff turned and ran out of the apartment.  He suspected Evil Jeff would have done the same.

\---

Evil Troy was, by some stroke of luck, in the study room.

"Troy!" Jeff called out.

"Hey, Jeff," said Evil Troy, in his robotic voice.  "How's the evil?  Any good plots to destroy the prime timeline?"  He had his usual big, childlike grin, like being evil was the best game ever.

"You know me," said Jeff, belatedly putting on the Evil Jeff voice.  "Always creating evil plans."

"I think you had a good one last time with the guns," said Evil Troy.  "It nearly worked, and I everyone loves a good paintball fight.  So what are we going to do tonight, Brain?"

Jeff blinked.  "I need to find Abed."

"No, you're supposed to say 'Same thing we do every night, Pinky!  Try to take over the world!’”  Evil Troy frowned.  “I miss Abed being part of the group."

“Can you help me find him?” Jeff asked.

"That depends," asked Evil Troy, giving Jeff a wary look.  "Are you going to kill him as punishment for no longer being evil?"

"No, of course not!" Jeff said, belatedly realizing he was using his normal voice.  "I mean, no.  He's too useful.  With his technology skills.  For...evil."

Troy let out a relieved sigh.  "That's good.  Evil Pierce wanted to kill him and devour his brain to gain his intelligence.  Abed vanished and no one knows where he is."

"No one?" Jeff gave Troy a hard look.

"No."

"So you've stopped doing Troy And Abed in the Morning?"

Troy ducked his head.  "Okay, he moved in with his dad for three weeks until Pierce forgot his address, the moved back into our old apartment.  But promise you won't kill him."

"I promise, Troy.  I don’t want to hurt Abed at all.”

Troy smiled.  "You know, for Evil Jeff, you're a pretty good guy."

\---

"Abed!  Abed!  I need to talk to you!"

Abed opened the door.  He was wearing a weird goatee.  "Jeff.  Come in.  Did your arm malfunction again?" 

"No, it's fine."  Jeff stepped inside.  The apartment was gray, dingy, and full of carefully-stacked pillows.  "Abed, are you evil?"

"I told you, Jeff, no.  After traveling to the Prime Timeline, and hearing Lame Jeff give an inspiring speech about friendship, I swore off evil forever.  You should hear that guy.  He's good."

"Thanks."  Jeff leaned in.  "Abed, I'm going to tell you something and I need you to believe me even though it sounds like something...never mind, forgot who I was talking to.  Abed, I'm Lame Jeff.  Well,  Good Jeff.  Well, reasonably good...I'm not Evil Jeff, okay?"

Abed looked Jeff up and down.  "Interesting.  You're in Evil Jeff's body.  He must have somehow combined universe-swapping with body-swapping.  Cool.  Cool, cool, cool."  He turned and began fiddling with something electronic.  "Hmm.  Body swapping usually means you both have something the other one wants and need to learn a valuable life-lesson.  Have you ever wanted a cool robot arm?"

"Not really, no."

"Weird."  Abed twisted a knob.  "What else does Evil Jeff..."

The phone rang.  Abed picked it up.  "Hello?  Yes, Annie.  He's right here."

Jeff  nearly jumped out of his skin.  He turned towards the door, but Abed held up a hand.

"He seems a bit confused, but basically fine."  Abed stepped over, grabbed a piece of paper, and scribbled Trust Me.  He held it up for Jeff.  "You'll come get him?  No, I have a better...eviler idea.  Call Evil Britta and tell her Jeff's having issues and needs the help of a trained psychology student.  Thanks.  I'm trying to get back into the evil thing on a part-time basis, to see if it suits me before jumping back in full-time."  Abed put the phone down.  "That was Annie.  She’s worried about you.  She said you ran out of the apartment this morning, high on drugs?”

“That was just a lie.”

“Clever.”  Abed nodded.  “I told her that I'd look after you while Britta was called to psychoanalyze you.  Britta should be easiest to turn.  Her inner darkness is pretty much just bad dye jobs, overly-dramatic makeup, and bad choices in sex partners.  I sent her almost entirely dark when I visited your time line, took over Abed’s body and nearly cut your arm off."

"You what?"

"Don't worry," said Abed.  "You gave an inspiring speech about friendship that led to me giving up evil.  Since then, I've devoted myself to brightening my own timeline.  I thought the robot arm might make Evil Jeff happier, but after he fell in with Evil Annie, he started using the power of his patented Winger Speeches for evil.  After the most recent battle, I helped Shirley sign up for rehab, but I haven't been able to do much for the rest of the group."  He paused and tilted his head.  "I think that's enough exposition for now.  Britta should be showing up. Quick, into the bathroom!"

"What?" Jeff asked.

"No time to explain!"  Abed shoved Jeff in the bathroom.  “Stay quiet.  This should be about ten minutes.  Feel free to fix your hair."

"What's wrong with my hair?"  Jeff turned and checked it out in the bathroom mirror.

Through the door, he could hear Britta.  "I'm here. Where's Jeff?"

"In the Dreamatorium.  He's finally decided he wants to process his traumas, and your name was the first one he came up with."

"Well, good.  I'm glad to see he's having a breakthrough.  Jeff?  Are you in there?  I'm here to help."  A door shut.

\---

"Jeff, I'm finished."  Abed knocked on the door. 

Jeff gave his hair a few finishing touches, then stepped out.  "Britta."

"Jeff."   Britta was wiping off some black lipstick.  "Abed explained everything.  Now let's get you back where you belong so we can find our Jeff and get him to open up about his feelings instead of hiding behind an evil persona."

Jeff pulled Abed aside. "We're throwing him to Britta's nonexistent psychology skills?  Aren't we supposed to be the good ones?"

Abed shrugged.  "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the paintball gun."  He picked up one of the modified paintball guns.  "They're set to stun."

"How do you set a paintball gun to stun?"

“Oh, science.”  Abed waved his hand in front of Jeff's face. 

"Did you just literally handwave that question?"

"Hurry up," said Britta.  "We have to find Evil Jeff before he messes up Lame...Other Jeff's universe."

"Hey, that's right!" said Jeff.  "What's he doing to my friends?"

"Possibly nothing.  If I can find the device he used to send you and hook it up to the Dreamtorium, I can reverse events so they effectively never happened and you're back in your own universe feeling like you had a weird dream."

"Well, that's convenient," said Jeff.

"It is.”  Abed turned and gave a quick nod to a random wall.  “But I should warn you, before you get home, you might have to have an epic battle of wills with Evil Jeff, and probably an important emotional epiphany or two.”

"Right.  Fine.  And then I go home and everyone's okay?" Jeff asked.

"If you win."

"Okay, no problem.  What's the plan?"  Jeff clapped his hands together.  "Ow!  I forgot this one was metal."

"The device will be hidden in one three places - either Evil Jeff's apartment, Evil Jeff's Evil Law Office, or Greendale Community College itself.  Britta, you go infiltrate the law firm.  For receptionists, they exclusively hire attractive women and make them wear tiny dresses so the male lawyers will have eye candy."

"That's sexist!" said Britta.

Abed put his finger out.  "That's evil."

"Right."  Britta nodded.  "I'll go break out ."

"I'll search the school.  Evil Jeff rarely visits, so I should be safe."

"What about Evil Troy?" asked Britta.

Abed turned.  "I knew I'd have to face him one day.  Perhaps now is the time."  He turned back.  "Jeff, I need you to continue to search your apartment.  If Evil Annie shows up, pretend to be Evil Jeff."

"Can do," said Jeff, in his best Evil Jeff voice.

"What was _that_?" Britta asked. 

"It's my evil Jeff voice!" Jeff said.

" _That's_ your Evil Jeff voice? I can do better than that!"

"Don't be ridiculous," said Jeff.  "We have the same voice, he's just me talking like an action hero.  How could you do that better than me?"

Britta swallowed.  "Hi.  I'm Evil Jeff.  Together, we can destroy those losers in the Prime Timeline!"

"Hers _is_ better," Abed said.  "But unless Britta's willing to cut an arm off to sell the look, I'm going to go with Jeff playing Jeff.  It may be cliche, but I think the casting works.  Now let's go.  We have a timeline to save."

\---

Jeff crept into the apartment.  "Annie?" he asked.  "Are you home?"

There was silence.

Jeff stepped inside, and began looking around.

After a moment, he realized he had no idea what the device looked like.

He texted Abed.  _What does the thing look like?_

The reply said _Message Undeliverable_.  Apparently, Abed in this universe had a different phone number.

It figured.  He was actually sending a _real_ text for once, and it didn’t get anywhere.

He began frantically digging around the apartment, looking for anything that might be a dimensional transporter.  TV remote, hairdryer diffuser, old game of Bop-It, broken Blackberry, just random crap.

The door creaked open.

Jeff froze.

"Jeff, Is that you?" asked Evil Annie. 

"Yeah," said Jeff, in his Evil Jeff voice.  "What's up?"

"I wanted to see that you were okay.  I know you don't do that many drugs, and usually if I slip you something, I keep an eye on you."

"I'm fine," said Jeff.  "Well, mostly fine.  A few memory problems.  So if I inexplicably forget something, that's why."

"Aw!"  Evil Annie put her hands on Jeff's head, sounding so much like his Annie he almost forgot where he was.

He shrugged her off.  "Don't worry, it should wear off."

Evil Annie grinned.  "I could help you work it out of your system.  We could do something athletic and naked together."

Jeff bit his lip.  There was probably a limit to how many times he could excuse sleeping with Evil Annie in the name of saving the timeline.  ”Love to, but I have to find this device Abed mentioned before I killed him.”

"You killed Abed?" Evil Annie's voice rose to an alarmed squeak.  "But who's going to fix your arm now?"

Jeff shrugged.  "It's not broken."  He tried to think of more evil things to say.  "Listen, babe, we don't need that loser anymore.  Techno-geeks are a dime a dozen.  Now that Abed's invented it, there'd bound to be a dozen guys who can repair it."

Evil Annie sighed.  "You're probably right.  I'm just worried."  She ran her hand down Jeff's back.  "I remember how down you were before you got the cool robot arms, and I don't want to see you unhappy like that again.  But I'm sure you know best as always."

Jeff swallowed uncomfortably.  "That's right.  Just let me make all of the decisions."  He picked up the Bop-it Game, preparing to toss it onto the couch.

"Jeff?" asked Evil Annie.  "What are you doing with a modified dimensional transporter?"

Jeff looked down at the Bop-It game.  "Seriously?  _This_?"

Evil Annie furrowed her brows.  "Jeff?  You…are Jeff, aren’t you?”

Dammit, he’d forgotten how perceptive she should be.

“Of course I am!  Who else would I be?”

Evil Annie stepped closer.  “You're Jeff.  But are you… my Jeff?

Jeff snorted.  "Well, I'm certainly not Lame Jeff, if that's what you're thinking."

Evil Annie slid up her skirt and pulled out the gun strapped to her thigh.  "Jeff, whichever Jeff you are, think very carefully about what you're going to say next."

Jeff put his hands up.  "Listen," he said, in his Evil Jeff voice.  "I can explain everything."

\---

Jeff opened the door to Abed's apartment.

"Jeff!"  Abed looked up.  "How did it it go?  Britta challenged the evil law firm on their sexist hiring practices, and I had a dramatic confrontation with Troy, but we didn't find the device."

Jeff held up the Bop-It game.  “I know what it looks like, but…”

“I see he modified the dimensional transporter.  That was a surprisingly tidy resolution," said Abed.  "I was expecting more complications."

Jeff stepped forward, revealing Evil Annie holding a gun to his back.

"Ah," said Abed.  "On the one hand, this is bad.  On the other hand, it would have been a tedious ending otherwise.”

"Lame Jeff here spilled his guts.  Not literally, of course.  He's in my Jeff's body, and I wouldn't want to ruin the abs."  Evil Annie gave Jeff a pat on the stomach.  "But I know everything."

"And you've come to kill us all?" asked Abed.  "The only way out of it would be an unexpected twist with Troy, who's had a dramatic change of heart, charging through the door to save us and officially renounce evil."

Everyone turned and stared at the door.

Nothing happened.

Abed looked sadly at his feet. 

"Anyway," said Evil Annie.  "I'm not here to kill anyone.  I'm here to trade with Lame Annie, so my Jeff and I can be together, forever!"  She began laughing manically. 

Jeff gave Evil Annie a look.  "Doesn't that hurt your throat?"

Evil Annie coughed.  "A little bit."

Evil Troy burst through the door.  "Don't kill them, Evil Annie!  I have...reasons!  And possibly a weapon.  Or maybe not.  This time, I'm not telling."

"Little late, Troy," said Jeff.  “Nice attempt, though.”

Abed gave Evil Troy an intense look.

\---

"Okay," said Annie.  "We're all going to do what I say, and no one has to get shot.  Abed, how does this thing work?"

"Well, as an extension of the classic body-switching trope, it only works between two people who secretly desire to experience the other person's life, but can learn an ironic lesson from..."

"Abed?" said Evil Annie.  "If you don't get to the point, I'll shoot Troy."

"Hey!" said Evil Troy.  "I haven't officially renounced evil yet!  I had a whole speech ready when we stopped Annie.”

"It's pretty straightforward," said Abed.  "First you take it into the Dreamatorium.  Then, you see that big purple button?  You bop it."

"I knew it!" said Jeff.

Everyone gave him a weird look.

\---

"Okay, so just press the button?"  Evil Annie was holding the Bop-It game in one hand, and the gun in the other.  "And then I'll be in Lame Annie's body and I'll have my Jeff back?"

"Potentially," said Abed.  "As I said, in body-switching, motivation is a significant..."

Evil Annie smacked the big purple button.

Nothing happened.

"It's not doing anything!" Evil Annie slapped the device frantically   "Why isn't it doing anything?"

"Motivation," said Abed.  "You don't have anything non-evil Annie wants badly enough."

"That's stupid!" said Evil Annie.  "That prissy little brat should want everything I have!  I've even got her Jeff!"

"Ah," said Abed.  "But she has no reason to know that.  As far as she can tell, she's got a more sexually assertive Jeff, and you don't exist. She has no reason to envy you, therefore no reason to switch bodies.”

“So if I convince her this timeline is real,” said Evil Annie, “and then make her want what I have, then I should be able to get her here?  What do you think would be a better incentive - her Jeff, or drugs?  I mean she’s not even sleeping with this one.  I could tell.  He was _so_ grateful.”

“Please,” said Jeff. “The device isn’t not working because…the reason it isn’t doing anything isn’t because I’m not sleeping with Annie.  It doesn't do anything because it's a Bop-It game.  Look!”  Jeff smacked the button.

A wave of light shot out.  Jeff was knocked backwards.  Suddenly he was in his regular body, only glowing and blue.

"Hey," he said.  "My arm!  It's back!"

"Screw you!"  Evil Jeff, now back in his body, turned and snarled.  "How'd you drag me back here?"

"You left me!" shrieked Evil Annie.  "How could you leave me?"

Evil Jeff wrapped his arm around Evil Annie.  "I was going to come back for you.  I just had to get things ready.  I had to get Lame Annie to want to switch places with you.”

“I told you so,” said Abed. 

“You mean it?”  Evil Annie cooed at Evil Jeff.

“Of course!  I’d never leave you.  The two of us, a whole non-evil timeline where judges haven't even heard my speech about you being too hot to go to jail?  We could burn that place to the ground!"

"What about me?" asked Evil Troy.

"Oh, I was going to abandon you.  You're terrible at being evil.  Actually, all of you are.  Shirley had some potential, but then she sobered up and got boring again.  You, however?  Total waste of evil space."

Evil Troy ducked his head and looked sad.

Abed reached out a hand.  "It's okay, Troy.  I think the whole Evil Study Group thing was a mistake."

Troy took Abed's hand.

"A mistake?" asked Evil Jeff.  "It's the only one of your weird-ass plans that did anything useful!  I left Greendale, I got to be a lawyer again, and I got Annie, which Lame Jeff here couldn't do in a million years.  Admit it, Lame Jeff."  Evil Jeff turned.  "Wouldn't you give your right arm to sleep with her?"

Jeff stood up.  "No!"  He dusted himself off and stared down Evil Jeff.  "What I'd give my right arm for is doing what's right for her.  I love Annie, and that means wanting what's best for her.  If the best thing for her is me loving her as a friend forever, that's far better than I deserve."

"Oh, bullshit!" snapped Evil Jeff.  "You pretend to be concerned, but the truth is you're just a pussy."

"Oh, Winger Speech-off!" said Abed. "And did you catch the Scott Pilgrim reference?  The comic, not the movie." 

Troy nodded and squeezed Abed's hand.

"Shut up, nerds!"  Evil Jeff shouted.  He stepped closer to Jeff.  "The truth is, you're not keeping your hands off Annie because you're so noble, or because you're such a good friend, or you're so much better than me.  You're scared.  You're scared of seeming like a creepy older man pathetically hitting on some hot young thing.  You're scared you'll try and she won't be into you.  You're scared people will judge you, and you haven't got the balls to go for it the way I did!  That's why you wasted so much time!"

"I am scared," said Jeff.  "I'm scared of loving Annie.  She has issues, and I don't want to make them worse.  I have issues, and I’m still learning to treat people right.  But if you think any of the time I've spent with her is wasted just because we're not having sex?  You are wrong.  Yes, I want to have sex with Annie.  She's hot, and if Evil Annie here is anything to go by, she’d be really great in bed.”

Evil Annie smiled. 

Jeff nodded at her, then continued.  "I also want to fight crime with her, and participate in bizarrely elaborate paintball wars, and discuss homework, and ride balloons, and listen to her freak out about grades, and tell her my darkest secrets and have her clutter up my apartment with curtains and throw pillows.  I even want to have her around being angry at me when I'm selfish or lazy, because that pushes me to be a better man, which is exactly what I need.  There isn't a single moment with her that I’d give up.”

Abed whispered to Troy, "I think he's moving in for the kill."

"And you," continued Jeff.  "You pretend it's all sex and evil, but the truth is you're not that different from me.  You two care about each other.  When I woke up in this timeline, she thought I was you.  And you know what she did? She held me and stroked my hair until I stopped freaking out about the arm.  And then we had hot sex, but the point still stands.  If you're evil and don't care about anyone, why do you keep flushing her pills?  Why was she the one you planned to come back for?  You're two broken people who love each other, and if you spend less time obsessing over stuff that doesn't matter, you could spend more time putting each other back together.”

Jeff yanked Bop-It out of Evil Jeff’s hand.  “And it’s not just Annie here.  Shirley’s sober, Troy is back with Abed, and Britta…washed her hair.  The Study Group is recovering from this.  You can either sit around enjoying a bitter little vendetta against the universe…and a few others…or you can learn to deal with what happened to you and help put things together again.”

Evil Jeff lunged for the game.  “I lost my arm!  You think I should just get over it?”

Jeff pulled Bop-It away.  “No, I think you should learn to deal.  That doesn’t mean shrugging it off and pretending it doesn’t hurt.  That means realizing you have people who care about you.  People like Britta who give you someone to talk things out with, and people like Abed who are willing to put aside the good-evil divide to help you live your life!”

“Dude!” said Formerly Evil Troy.  “You have an awesome robot arm!  Enjoy!”

A glow from the Bop-It game knocked Evil Jeff down. 

"Jeff!" Evil Annie rushed over to him.

"See?  Love!"  Jeff grabbed Bop-It and held it over his head.  "There!  Battle of wills won, epiphany achieved, Bop-It, send me home!"

He smacked the Bop-It game.  A bright light shot out.  Jeff flung his arm in front of his face. 

Suddenly, he was lying down, inside what felt like a cardboard box.

"Jeff!  Wake up!  You fell asleep in the Dreamatorium and knocked it over, and Abed's afraid you'll break it!"  Annie shook Jeff's right arm.

His right arm.  It was there.  Non-evil Annie was there.  He was back!

He sat up carefully, trying not to wreck the cardboard.

Annie smiled down at him.  "Too much to drink?"

"Yeah, a bit."  He had a splitting headache and everything seemed way too bright and loud.

But he was home. And Annie was there.  Jeff leaned in closer.

"It's not the box he's going to break!" shouted Abed frantically, from the next room.  "It's the universe!  We can't have another incursion from the Darkest Timeline!" 

"Stay just like that," said Jeff.  He stepped into the next room.  "Hi, Abed.  The Dreamatorium is safe, and so is the universe."

Abed looked up.  "Evil Jeff?"

"I handled him.  With a little help from Formerly Evil Abed, and his best friend...Formerly Evil Troy."

Troy smiled.  Abed reached out his hand.

Jeff stepped back into Troy and Abed's bedroom. Annie was standing there. 

Jeff kissed her.

When he finished, Annie let out a long “Aw!”

"Before you say anything, Annie," said Jeff, "let me say one thing.  I love you.  I think I've loved you for years.  But I've been afraid that, if we ever went on a real date together, I'd screw things up and we wouldn't be friends anymore.  And I can't think of anything worse.  But now I know that no matter what, if we fight, or break up, or even if we end up in some screwed-up universe where you're a pharmacist-shooting addict and I'm cybernetically-enhanced evil, we'll never stop caring about each other.  What I'm trying to say is...Annie Edison, will you go on a date with me?"

Annie let out another squeak.  "Yes, Jeff Winger, I will!"

Britta stepped out of the bathroom.  "Well, it's probably good I got that out of my system.  Holy crap, did Jeff get drunk and propose to Annie?"

Jeff smiled down at Annie.  "No, but give it a few months."

Annie grinned hugely and leaned against Jeff.

Jeff put his arm around her.  Suck it, Evil Jeff, he thought.

"So the Darkest Timeline is after us again?" Abed asked.

"Actually," said Jeff.  "I don't think that's going to be a problem anymore."

\---

"Why didn't you say anything to me about the pills?" Evil Annie asked.

"Talk about personal issues and feelings instead of creating an evil plan?  What am I, Britta?" 

"Jeff!"

Evil Jeff sighed.  "I was trying not to be Lame Jeff.  I wish you didn’t keep stealing drugs, but I can live with it.”

"Well, you'll have to, because I like the drugs, and I'm not going to quit."  Evil Annie bit her lip.  "Not yet, anyway."

"Fine," said Evil Jeff.  "Whatever."  He wasn't going to start trying to fix her, even if the pills did worry him.  That's just what Lame Jeff would want.  Start talking about issues when it came to Annie and the pills, and next thing you know, people would want to talk to him about how he felt about his arm, or encourage non-evil lawyering, or drag him into some crap about having father issues, and he'd end up some whiny loser afraid to leave Greendale. 

"Good," said Evil Annie.  "So now what?  We've lost Abed, Shirley, Britta, and now Troy.  How are we going to take over the Prime Timeline now?"

"You know what?" said Evil Jeff.  "Screw those losers.  I can get us some fake passports.  Let's go to Tahiti and show everyone how hot my awesome evil girlfriend looks in a bikini."

Evil Annie let out an excited squeal.

Evil Jeff gave her an affectionate squeeze.  "You and me, babe.  All the way."


End file.
